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Guest Opinion: Top Ten Reasons Not To Marry A Car Chick
Sep 13, 2005
by: Katherine Helmetag (atomicalex)
I get it every time. “I wish my GF/wife/SO was like you!” No. You don’t. I am a car chick, and you don’t want to be attached to a car chick. You want to run. Far, far away. And I am going to tell you why it sucks to be married to me.
First and foremost, it is because I am a girl and I know about cars. I know about driving, fast AND twisty. And I might know more about cars and driving than you do. You don’t want to live with that, trust me. You have no idea how fast that is going to get old.
Second. Don’t tell me what car to get. I can figure that out for myself, thank you. I’m probably going to tell you what car you should get. I’m going to not only tell you what chassis to buy, but what motor and transmission to put in it. And if you don’t agree with me and decide to buy something else, I’ll give you crap about it until you are ready to get rid of it. I won’t work on it and I won’t wash it. You can pick the colors, though. I’ll live with that. And if you decide that you need to tell me what to buy, go talk to your mom instead. She probably needs your help.
Third. OMG, OMG, OMG, thank you, honey! What an incredible surprise! I knew you loved me! That turbo kit you found on eBay? The one you bought and didn’t tell me about? Well, it fits my car too. And since it arrived while you were away on a business trip and I had no way of knowing whose car it was for, I already have it installed. On my car. I love you!
Fourth. I’m female. Females like to shop. Not all for the same things, though. You’ll be sorry about that when instead of replacing my worn out old clothes, I’m more interested in a new intercooler or exhaust. When everything I own is covered with grease and oil stains and looks like it spent a week in the gearbox (including that cute Puma tee you got me), you are going to hate it that I don’t shop for clothes. You’re going to wish I shopped for clothes. Yeah, I like those MissSixty jeans, but the only fabric I’m interested in spending money on is the Alcantara I’m going to redo my interior with. Costs more, too.
Fifth. I know how to fold a map. You don’t. You are a lesser being.